Two uncollected poems by Blake Morrison :
Please, darling, no more diets.
I've read the books on why it's
good for one's esteem.
I've watched you jogging lanes and pounding treadmills.
I've even shed some kilos of my own.
What are love handles
between friends? For half a stone
it isnít worth the sweat.
I've had it up to here with crispbread.
I doubt the premise, too.
Try to see it from my point of view.
I want not less but more of you.
As of today, the peace process will be intensified
through war. These are safe bombs, and any fatalities
will be minors. The targets are strictly military
or civilian. Anomalies may occur, but none
out of the ordinary. This release has been prepared by
First reports indicate a major break through
hospital roofs. The bombs were strictly targeted at
random personnel. Any errors are a mere blip
on the radar screen. Until our aim is achieved we will continue
missing. In modern war, mistakes are never made
We can confirm that many personnel now enjoy peace,
underground. Several terrorists have been
created overnight. Our smart bombs are subject only to
intelligence errors. Certain one-off tragic events
will regrettably recur. We anticipate a stepping up
of funerals Stop
In another time-zone, the bombs fall unsafely.
There are reports of urgent talk under the rubble.
Numberless children lie accounted for in morgues.
Regrettably, we are unable to offer regrets today.
This poem has been subject to certain restrictions.
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A Discoverie of Witches (Litfest/Smith Doorstop)
Selected Poems (Granta Books,1999)
The Pendle Witches (Enitharmon Press, 2002)
The Ballad of the Yorkshire Ripper. (Chatto and Windus, 1987)
Dark Glasses (Chatto and Windus, 1989)
Contemporary British Poetry (Penguin Books Ltd, 1993)
Poetry Introduction 5 (Faber, 1982)
Penguin Modern Poets1 (Penguin, 1995)